Wind

You know what I hate? Wind. It blows at me too much and pushes me around like an invisible bully. I just want to walk down the street to buy peach Snapple but wind ruins my day and makes me punch at the air and look like a dumb boy.

A lot of people think wind is good because it cools you down when it is hot out. But what they're really saying is just that heat is bad. If it was always cold out like it should be nobody would like wind.

I also hate wind because it messes up hair. People like to take a little time out of their stupid day to coif their strands but wind doesn't care. It even makes bald people people seem balder because it picks their wisps up and throws them around. Bald people should hate wind but most probably like it because they are always sweating.

Most dogs hate wind because it blows their ear flaps up. And I agree with most dogs.

When I'm reading the newspaper outside and the wind folds it over on me and makes it hard to hold up that is complete garbage. I WANT TO READ ABOUT LIEV SCHREIBER WIND. Wind hates when people read because it thinks that nature is super interesting even though it isn't.

One time my friend Mokey took mushrooms and was feeling sick. Then a gust of wind blew at him and he felt better and said "it was like God sent that wind." What an idiot Mokey is.

The main problem with wind is that it's really insecure. I have only a slight problem with a gentle breeze but wind thinks it has something to prove so it blows my visor off even when I wear it backwards.

I hate the wind and the wind hates me.