Chinos

You know what I hate? Chinos. I hate them when they're baggy and I hate them when they're slim. I hate them when they have a crease or even at the gym. Boom - Poetry.

The reason why chinos are horrible is that they are pointless. If I need to wear a nice pair of pants I will put on jeans. You can wear jeans anywhere and look like a proper one.

Moms really like chinos and think you need to wear them to restaurants. But you don't. Jeans are famous enough now that you can wear them anywhere. Moms think that jeans mean that you are a slacker who doesn't work, but the problem with moms is that they are moms and don't realize that chinos make you look like a simple child who's really excited for 4th grade to start.

You know when you see some lummox ambling down the street dressed in a little shirt tucked into his chinos? You know how his penny loafers match his pants? You know how you have to cross the street to avoid his bulbous chin and beady eyes? Well good I'm glad we're on the same page and have common reactions to things. We should hang out.

Another stupid thing about chinos is their name. Chinos. What a stupid name that is. Some people call them khakis which I also hate. They should be called brown pants. Or brownies. But I wouldn't want to ruin something great like actual brownies by making me think of chinos when I'm eating them. So let's stick with brown pants. Here is a way to respond to someone when you see them wearing chinos.

"Nice brown pants you miserable piece of human garbage."

I'm throwing out my old chinos.