Tuesday, August 10, 2010


You know what I hate? Soda. Regular brown soda, club soda, soda pop, whatever the hell Sprite is, soda is just the worst. It tastes syrupy and weird, and a bit like liquified candy which sounds great on paper but in reality stinks.

But the worst part about soda is its most inexplicable part: bubbles. There is no reason to put bubbles in any drink for any reason. Bubbles give people hiccups, and fill your throat with unneeded air, and make me take small tiny gulps and attempt to burp. You know what burping is? Your body saying "actually the amount of air I have now is sufficient, I don't need to drink extra air you stupid asshole."

Why would anyone think putting bubbles in a drink would make it better? Bubbles are tasteless and unnecessary. In fact this post would be about how much I hate bubbles except for the fact that bubbles in every other aspect of life are fun and hilarious. Kids always have fun blowing bubbles but only idiot children who dress in neon want to drink that bubble liquid.

Another thing horrible about soda is that people who have boring parties always say "there will be soda there, thus you can come over and drink it." Soda is not enough of a good reason to have a party. A good reason to have a party is because your parents are moving out of their house and they want you to have a big bonfire in their backyard made up of all their old furniture, and there's a huge trampoline that's not close to the bonfire, and also there is a ping pong table. A bad reason to have a party is because you bought Pepsi and Tostitos, even though Tostitos are pretty good.

Personally I am a milk man myself, in the sense that when I am not drinking water or booze I am drinking milk. Milk has never once made me hiccup because it knows it is delicious enough on its own, and doesn't need any ridiculous bells and whistles like soda does. If someone put bubbles in milk you would punch them or I would.

Here is a joke about soda that you can use:
What did soda say when it crossed the street?
Run me over, for I am garbage

Burp, burp, soda is for twerps.


  1. I got redirected here from Google images. I do not believe you are intelligent enough to have your own blog. For one, regular brown soda likes to go by the name Cola. Club Soda is carbonated water and that is it, no syrup. The bubbles add to the overall experience, if you want to drink soda without bubbles, try fruit juice.

  2. Oh, and if you don't like the nasty stickiness corn syrup leaves behind in your mouth try soda with cane sugar.